I just need to figure out why it’s so hard for people to understand where I’m coming from regarding certain things in life. Would you talk to someone who brings you down and keeps telling you that you’re not going to be like every other person around you? I think not. So, why do I have to make an effort against my own will and see such people when they aren’t really helping me move forward. They just stop me in my way and then instead of running at my pace, I sit down (metaphorically speaking).
Meh, not happy. Hopefully today is going to be a good day and I’m going to be in my happy-medium again.
If you haven’t heard anything by Built to Spill yet, in my humble opinion, you need to leave my blog and type “youtube.com” in your browser bar. These lines are from a song called Life’s A Dream…
Destiny’s vulgar so I might as well resist
Out of the darkness and all of the secrets still exist
Finally decided, and by decide I mean accept,
I don’t need all those other chances I won’t get.
To me, this song is about coming to terms with life and being at one with your universe. To know that no matter what, you exist and always will… even if it is just as a memory, a part of a family tree or a legend. You will leave your footprints in the sand of time and no amount of clicking of the clock can take that away from you. You have shared time with many other souls on this planet and have left your mark on the map of life. So, no matter how down or useless you feel in this moment and no matter how many secrets you die with, remember that you don’t need any of the chances that others got… your life, your decisions and your path in life is enough to hold you in the lap of history forever…
Life goes by too fast… too fast all the time. And while it’s passing us all by, we experience moments of realization that pass us by equally fast. This moment right here is one of them for me. I am in India and this visit is helping me reconnect with my past. Whether it be the people I’ve met as a little kid and forgotten, the voices that used to once comfort me or just the sounds and smells of familiar places I haven’t been to in a while.
I’m not the 7 year old who was pampered by my parents professional contacts anymore. Instead, I’m now the 21 year old they come up to, shake hands with and have a conversation with only realizing that they have met me before after my parents introduce us later in the evening. I’m not the 5 year old they hand candy to, but the 21 year old they discuss serious topics with.
I’m on the doorstep of adulthood but it’s only scary when I forget that I’ll always be a kid for all the adults I was close to when I actually was a kid.
It’s just been a rough day or so. I want to take a break from life and be myself again. Happiness seems to be running away from me and it’s unfair because this isn’t me. Happiness comes to me, smiles come to me… laughter is my friend. Just not right now.
I feel caged and want to run away from everything and everyone. I want to feel like my spirit is free and capable of soaring… I want to fly.
A few minutes ago I was pouring over a programming book with music playing in the background. Suddenly, a tune I hadn’t heard in ages made it to my ears and I was lost in its beauty. This tune happens to be Bombay’s (the movie’s) theme song. I guess I am biased because it is instrumental and I have always loved instrumental music but the simplicity of this tune is what makes it absolutely beautiful. It portrays a certain serenity with the amazing work on the flute that it starts out with and it lets your mind’s eye wander and find your personal heaven…
For those of you who haven’t heard it before, check it out…
Wrote some “functions” in Function Programming (FP) the other day. Interesting, to say the least. It was for a class but it was really my first hands on experience with a functional language.
Although there is an interpreter for this language, it isn’t as developed as it could be and it definitely needs a debugger. Anyway, interesting first experience.
Now onto Haskell. Oh fun. At least there’s a huge amount of documentation and books on how to program in Haskell =) It’s always good to have resources. Will write more about it when I know what I’m doing!
I’ve heard it all a million times – with light there is darkness and the rest of those wonderful statements that talk about sunshine and shade…
But today, I’m sitting here thinking that no one ever told me how hope and despair go hand in hand. Yes, with hope comes despair (or with despair comes hope, if you’re in an optimistic mood).
I like stability to be at a distance from my life but I like it nonetheless. I like knowing that the people I love back home are going to be there no matter what. I don’t know if any of the friends I’ve made here are going to stick around or if they are going to just be friends in passing.
I have nothing against people who come and go because that’s what humans do, but I like a sense of stability and security and today I feel like someone took my rock away.
One of the few people I knew I could count on just let me fall and wasn’t there to catch me. In fact, he pushed me… and now there’s no one to catch me… I’m alone, on my own and everyone who could possibly grab my arm and pull me out of this abyss is way too far away.
I despair and yet I hope that a stranger would come and save me from myself…
I recently heard this song for the first time and for some reason it has stuck with me. I can’t stop listening to it because the lyrics calm me down… weird. Anyway, here are the lyrics and the link to the song. Check it out =)
Another day goes by
Time travel gone astray
My mind in disarray
I could’ve run away to be with you
I could’ve run away to be with you
I should’ve run away to be with you…
Once we got lost in the woods with your hand interlaced between mine
And i stared straight at the sun and imagined the beams realign
Emotions and photons that flicker like bees when I look in your eyes
Intertwined…
Six stories above
I watched the world creep by
I used to be in love
and that’s enough to make me high on you
and that’s enough to make me high on you
and that’s enough to make me high on you
and that’s enough to make me high on you
I feel like I’ve been stuck in a rut for a while now and as much as I try my thoughts won’t leave me alone. They haunt me and I can’t help but give them my attention.
Since I’ve failed to get rid of them so far, I’m just going to resort to a new method. Change of scene, change of people, change of everything. I’m about to run away from my mind and hope it works.
I want to breathe unfamiliar air and listen to notes I’ve never heard before. I want life to be refreshed like a web browser can be refreshed.. only, I don’t want it to remain on the same website. All of this needs to change…
Happiness is like a butterfly; the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder...
Thoreau
