“You can become blind by seeing each day as a similar one. Each day is a different one, each day brings a miracle of its own. It’s just a matter of paying attention to this miracle.”
We’ve all become too engrossed in matters of little importance and have a talent for ignoring the miracles that life has planted in our worlds. Our “trained” eye is trained to miss these miracles that bring joy to one’s heart. Mostly these miracles are small and need to be searched… but then there are miracles that are hard to ignore… the miracles that demand participation in their beauty.
It snowed in South Carolina yesterday. I was walking on campus and miniscule flakes of snow brushed against my face and landed on the fur of my coat. It was a miracle that brought pure joy to my heart. It felt like each flake held an unexplained dose of happiness, energy and love for life. Each flake had the power to breathe into my soul and when the soul is happy it simply emits positive energy.
Last evening was a miracle that may just have left its everlasting memory in my mind. I’m lucky… to see such miracles, experience such happiness and have good friends to share my world with…
I just need to figure out why it’s so hard for people to understand where I’m coming from regarding certain things in life. Would you talk to someone who brings you down and keeps telling you that you’re not going to be like every other person around you? I think not. So, why do I have to make an effort against my own will and see such people when they aren’t really helping me move forward. They just stop me in my way and then instead of running at my pace, I sit down (metaphorically speaking).
Meh, not happy. Hopefully today is going to be a good day and I’m going to be in my happy-medium again.
It’s just been a rough day or so. I want to take a break from life and be myself again. Happiness seems to be running away from me and it’s unfair because this isn’t me. Happiness comes to me, smiles come to me… laughter is my friend. Just not right now.
I feel caged and want to run away from everything and everyone. I want to feel like my spirit is free and capable of soaring… I want to fly.
I feel like I’ve been stuck in a rut for a while now and as much as I try my thoughts won’t leave me alone. They haunt me and I can’t help but give them my attention.
Since I’ve failed to get rid of them so far, I’m just going to resort to a new method. Change of scene, change of people, change of everything. I’m about to run away from my mind and hope it works.
I want to breathe unfamiliar air and listen to notes I’ve never heard before. I want life to be refreshed like a web browser can be refreshed.. only, I don’t want it to remain on the same website. All of this needs to change…
Even a heart that’s been weighed down can fly. Today was a wonderful day and everything turned out very, very well. There are things on my mind as always but my heart feels a certain childish joy.
It’s the feeling that comes when you’re a step closer to achieving your dreams because you can feel it when your stretch your hand out in the unknown.
It’s the joy that a child feels when they get a set of 200 hot wheels on their 4th birthday… I love it.
What I was doing when I wasn’t blogging
- I decided to go into hiding.
- I realized hiding wasn’t a great idea, so planned to hide everyone else and enjoy freedom.
- Hiding everyone for my own freedom proved to be a very tough task.
- I then gave up being antisocial and mingled with people.
- I lost my year-long train of thought in the crowd and I’m still looking for it.
- I hydrated my soul.
- My soul loved it and is now very, very demanding and needs to be chained.
- I often hear its cries and it takes me forever to give my soul a pacifier… stupid kid.
- I made some new friends… friends with no questions. It feels amazing
- I lost touch with some old friends… friends with no answers.. I miss them, just a teeny bit.
- I found myself writing again one day.
- My brain is still trying to decide if that’s a waste of paper or of thoughts. Better save trees than brains? (Man, this could make a cheesy zombie movie dialogue.. just maybe).
- I watched no zombie movies.
- I watched The Ninth Gate and expected more when it was over.
- I realized that I can’t be in control… ever
- It hurt my ego and so I gave my soul more ale… yes, I used the word ale.
- Now my soul seems to think that when there is no cure, one should just swallow the most disgusting things on earth and feel the bitterness on one’s tongue to see if it makes you forget the pain.
- The word pain reminds me -I hurt my back.
- It stopped hurting, so I hurt it again.
- I feel like being understood is scary so I decided to celebrate Halloween in attempts to come to terms with scariness.
- I didn’t realize being a Roman Empress was the last of my fears.
- I should have just dressed up as a cereal killer… yes, “cereal” killer and walked around with a knife. It happens to be slightly more scary than a roman empress who died eons ago.
- I didn’t drink as much coffee as I usually do. I’ve been coffee-less for a while. There’s blood running in my coffee vessels again.
- I have decided that sleep is not as important as learning comp sci thingis and curing of the soul.
- If you know me at all, you know what I mean by ‘curing of the soul’.
- I learned that typing is not an art and that writing a blog doesn’t constitute as displaying expertise
- That realization causes me to stop writing this blog…. laterz.
Why can’t everything just be black and white sometimes? The colours confuse me to a degree inexpressible by words.
I need to find a path. I feel like I am stuck in a rut and there’s nothing I can do. If everything was black and white, I would just take the tough road and walk in darkness in hopes that eventually I’ll see a speck of light before life leaves my hand forever.
Yeah, life’s holding my hand… don’t comment. It’s… a figure of speech in my head.
Bah, I lost my train of thought.
IF dreams came true, I would dream all the time because hope seems to be taking it’s own time to reach my door. Another disgusting appointment with those insane people I often refer to in my posts and the LFTs were horrible… oh my life. It’s been bothering me for a while… it won’t leave my joyous head alone to dwell in it’s happiness.
Who would have thought that life would make you want to die sometimes? No worries, I’m not about to kill myself… I’m just in a very contemplative mood and feel like there’s a need for a someone to tell me that it will be fine, even though I know it’s a complete lie.
I feel the need to hear a lie… just to be comforted and to believe against all reality that things will be fine and the sun with shine again…
Sometimes one just has to take a minute out of ones busy schedule and smile. Sometimes one has to know that work and school isn’t the end of the world… that there is way more to look forward to in life. Here are some things that I look forward to, the things that make me smile and make my day…
Calling home every morning right after I wake up and feeling peaceful in my heart when I hear my mother’s voice on the other end.
Hearing dad teasing me and laughing.
Hearing from a friend and knowing that he/she is doing well.
Walking on the dew early on some mornings.
Walking to school when the weather is still slightly chilly and sun is gentle.
Remembering my school days in India.
Having carnations around my place- they’re my favorite flowers.
Listening to the sound of water flowing in natural environments.
The smell of wet earth.
Just knowing that things are going to be fine in the end.
There are way more things that I am forgetting to mention here because I’m only faced with my appreciation for such things when they occur… Hopefully I’ll remember to keep adding on to this list.
I hope you have a good day and that you notice that there’s a lot in this world to make you smile.