It’s pretty evident that I haven’t blogged in a while. Instead of explaining how, what, why and when of that fact, I’m going to start with something my father always said to me. He told me that time is like a man running with you. The only way to catch this man named Time, is to grab his hair but one must keep in mind that he’s bald at the back of his head (and not in the front). So, in essence, the only way to catch Time is run ahead of it. I’ve spent the past few days/weeks/months attempting to catch up with Mr. Time. It has been a tedious run and although I’m side by side with Mr. Time, I’ve incurred a few rather painful injuries.
I’ve graduated and it brings me joy that I’ve reached one more milestone in life. But, I never realized that graduating would also mean leaving the place where all my friends and most of my soul family is. So, while I struggled and was running behind time.. attempting to move out, clean up, finish the whole graduation stuff and entertaining my mom and aunt, I missed out on some more precious moments I could have had with the people who mean the world to me.
I don’t know what time is going to bring with it… because there will be a day it will be ahead of me again. I just hope that the people that matter to me know what their place in my life and in my heart is. And I hope that even though we grow together, our relative positions in each others lives remain unchallenged and unchanged. I hope that you always have the place in my life that you do now, because you have earned it.. and I hope it’s the same way around.
Just remember that I’m here… no matter what.
I’ve been meaning to blog about this for a while and haven’t really had the chance to. I was recently on my way out of town with a friend and came across a sight that I can’t help but use as food for thought.
To my right, beyond the trees, was a dirt path and a father was carrying his son on his shoulders. I looked at them and instantly thought of home. It brought back memories of a care-free childhood and nostalgia slowly crept in. Life has been generous to me and given me plenty to cherish… I will soon be on my way home. Awaiting my arrival is my father, a man who has loved me and will love me no matter what how grave a crime I commit and a mother who runs her hand through my hair to wake me up each morning.
I’m seeing past the turmoil in my life right now and smiling at memories of my dad lifting me on his shoulders and walking barefoot on the morning dew…
Alvida… the word means “goodbye”.
I am graduating in 47 days from today and will then be moving to India. The past 4 years of life have been beautiful and have gone by way too fast.
When I needed someone hold me while things went wrong, to share moments of hysterical laughter with me or even just share a quiet moment with, my friends were here. They became my family. And today, I’m finding myself crossing my fingers and hoping against hope that time slows down. Being thousands of miles away from them is perhaps the most painful thing I’ll ever go through…
So, today I want to say that before I have to say “alvida”, I want to spend as much time as I can with each of you… and I want you all to know that I absolutely adore you.
I’m on the verge of an emotional breakdown… or just simply disappearing and finding a new world for myself. My workaholic phase brought me to this threshold but it was people that were supposed to be there that pushed me over the limit.
I can’t always get what I want… so if I quit wanting and hoping, I leave behind disappointment… it’s the perfect remedy to the imperfections of my life.
There’s no one to blame for this but me. I deal better with things alone and need a reminder of that every single time. I love meeting new people, having good friends and spending time with people who matter to me but then I give them the power to hurt me and they do… it’s not a fault in them because that’s the way the world works. The problem is that I let them in… and then they fail and I’m disappointed and hurt… It’s a defeat, and that’s the one thing I don’t handle well.
So… I take this time to step back and disappear slowly into my own world. It just makes things simpler…
So, it’s been a while since I’ve made up my mind to do or not do a certain something. It’s time for a resolution and my resolution is to avoid skipping meals! I think my diet needs to be back on a healthy track. This whole.. let’s eat a little just to eat a lot a few days later thing is not helping. I’ve always gone through phases where I barely eat for a few days and then eat like a pig for the next few… nowhere close to a “balanced” diet.
I found myself running for 3.6 miles today and then coming home, doing some sit ups and push ups. What followed was a little surprising. I was at the table 10 minutes later… eating like there’s no tomorrow. I’m not sure that was a good idea but that’s what I wanted to do LOL.
Anyway… *attempt to eat a little every day… in approx equal amts… without losing my sanity*
Sometimes life goes by too fast and it’s not the fault of the clock ticking on the wall. It is not even the fault of your busy schedule. It is your fault… the fault of the person who has lost himself/herself in the noise of the world and can no more hear the melody of life. An analogy to explain this would be a person who focuses so much on the lyrics of a song that he can’t hear the tune…
Life’s too short and beautiful moments, relations and experiences must be kept close to the heart so one doesn’t lose sight of what is really important in life. It doesn’t matter where you are ten years from now. It’s the memories you hold in your heart, the friends that have stayed by your side and the experiences that make you who you are that matter.
Of course, one can’t ignore the noise of the world, but one must not lose the melody of life under any circumstances. Today, I know that I will do my best to hold on to the moments, friends and experiences that bring joy to me…
I’ve managed to get sick again. Wheezing, coughing and wheezing again. It sucks when one can’t breathe because isn’t breathing everyone’s birth right?! Meh… I guess it might be Spring making everything worse…
allergies + sickness = painful
This is when I wish my family was here…
I’ve recently worked very hard not just at work and school but also at ‘living’ my life. I’ve learnt that if I was given complete freedom from the chains of society and allowed to do what my heart wants, I would choose one of the following:
- Go backpacking through India. It would allow me to learn and talk to people from different belief systems and see my country from the eyes of a stranger.
- Stay on campus with my friends for an entire semester without having to attend classes and appreciate life and friends.
Unfortunately, people are supposed to either be in school (college) or work. To do anything else is referred to as slacking and signifies the presence of laziness. But I don’t want to look back on life when I’m 50 or 60 and have nothing but books, files and meetings to look back on. I want to live my life… is it too much to ask for?
I’ve heard it all a million times – with light there is darkness and the rest of those wonderful statements that talk about sunshine and shade…
But today, I’m sitting here thinking that no one ever told me how hope and despair go hand in hand. Yes, with hope comes despair (or with despair comes hope, if you’re in an optimistic mood).
I like stability to be at a distance from my life but I like it nonetheless. I like knowing that the people I love back home are going to be there no matter what. I don’t know if any of the friends I’ve made here are going to stick around or if they are going to just be friends in passing.
I have nothing against people who come and go because that’s what humans do, but I like a sense of stability and security and today I feel like someone took my rock away.
One of the few people I knew I could count on just let me fall and wasn’t there to catch me. In fact, he pushed me… and now there’s no one to catch me… I’m alone, on my own and everyone who could possibly grab my arm and pull me out of this abyss is way too far away.
I despair and yet I hope that a stranger would come and save me from myself…
Last night I managed to reach a new height of exhaustion due to major lack of sleep over the past few days and found myself enjoying delirium… To experience another emotion that I wasn’t familiar with earlier was strange and yet, exhilarating. My surroundings were hazy even though I was sitting right here on my couch. Life seemed to take very amusing turns and every word my friends said seemed augmented. I detested my lack of awareness but soaked in the pleasure of a new story in life. I am fairly certain that I was probably imagining things at one point… and I know it’s sad, but life isn’t a guarantee and so it’s necessary to make the most of the moments that we do have.
I was sure I would be better today… finally some sleep last night. But, I found myself making it to my first class and missing the next two. I found myself slipping into yet another state of delirium. Just when I was about to be visit the Slumberland, a strange sensation took over me… I was looking at myself from the outside. I felt like I was standing in the rain – looking up at the sky and smiling, and I could feel a big droplet of water at the tip of my nose… I could feel my heart jump with joy… I could touch pure happiness.
I’m glad I’m alive…