Emotions & Photons (Freezepop)

I recently heard this song for the first time and for some reason it has stuck with me. I can’t stop listening to it because the lyrics calm me down… weird. Anyway, here are the lyrics and the link to the song. Check it out =)

Another day goes by
Time travel gone astray
My mind in disarray
I could’ve run away to be with you
I could’ve run away to be with you
I should’ve run away to be with you…

Once we got lost in the woods with your hand interlaced between mine
And i stared straight at the sun and imagined the beams realign
Emotions and photons that flicker like bees when I look in your eyes
Intertwined…

Six stories above
I watched the world creep by
I used to be in love
and that’s enough to make me high on you
and that’s enough to make me high on you
and that’s enough to make me high on you
and that’s enough to make me high on  you

A Step Forward

I feel like I’ve been stuck in a rut for a while now and as much as I try my thoughts won’t leave me alone. They haunt me and I can’t help but give them my attention.

Since I’ve failed to get rid of them so far, I’m just going to resort to a new method. Change of scene, change of people, change of everything. I’m about to run away from my mind and hope it works.

I want to breathe unfamiliar air and listen to notes I’ve never heard before. I want life to be refreshed like a web browser can be refreshed.. only, I don’t want it to remain on the same website. All of this needs to change…

The Hot-Wheels Kinda Joy

Even a heart that’s been weighed down can fly. Today was a wonderful day and everything turned out very, very well. There are things on my mind as always but my heart feels a certain childish joy.

It’s the feeling that comes when you’re a step closer to achieving your dreams because you can feel it when your stretch your hand out in the unknown.

It’s the joy that a child feels when they get a set of 200 hot wheels on their 4th birthday… I love it.

What I Do When I Don’t Blog

What I was doing when I wasn’t blogging

- I decided to go into hiding.
- I realized hiding wasn’t a great idea, so planned to hide everyone else and enjoy freedom.
- Hiding everyone for my own freedom proved to be a very tough task.
- I then gave up being antisocial and mingled with people.
- I lost my year-long train of thought in the crowd and I’m still looking for it.
- I hydrated my soul.
- My soul loved it and is now very, very demanding and needs to be chained.
- I often hear its cries and it takes me forever to give my soul a pacifier… stupid kid.
- I made some new friends… friends with no questions. It feels amazing
- I lost touch with some old friends… friends with no answers.. I miss them, just a teeny bit.
- I found myself writing again one day.
- My brain is still trying to decide if that’s a waste of paper or of thoughts. Better save trees than brains? (Man, this could make a cheesy zombie movie dialogue.. just maybe).
- I watched no zombie movies.
- I watched The Ninth Gate and expected more when it was over.
- I realized that I can’t be in control… ever
- It hurt my ego and so I gave my soul more ale… yes, I used the word ale.
- Now my soul seems to think that when there is no cure, one should just swallow the most disgusting things on earth and feel the bitterness on one’s tongue to see if it makes you forget the pain.
- The word pain reminds me -I hurt my back.
- It stopped hurting, so I hurt it again.
- I feel like being understood is scary so I decided to celebrate Halloween in attempts to come to terms with scariness.
- I didn’t realize being a Roman Empress was the last of my fears.
- I should have just dressed up as a cereal killer… yes, “cereal” killer and walked around with a knife. It happens to be slightly more scary than a roman empress who died eons ago.
- I didn’t drink as much coffee as I usually do. I’ve been coffee-less for a while. There’s blood running in my coffee vessels again.
- I have decided that sleep is not as important as learning comp sci thingis and curing of the soul.
- If you know me at all, you know what I mean by ‘curing of the soul’.
- I learned that typing is not an art and that writing a blog doesn’t constitute as displaying expertise
- That realization causes me to stop writing this blog…. laterz.

 

Black and White

Why can’t everything just be black and white sometimes?  The colours confuse me to a degree inexpressible by words.

I need to find a path. I feel like I am stuck in a rut and there’s nothing I can do. If everything was black and white, I would just take the tough road and walk in darkness in hopes that eventually I’ll see a speck of light before life leaves my hand forever.

Yeah, life’s holding my hand… don’t comment. It’s… a figure of speech in my head.

Bah, I lost my train of thought.

The Need to Hear a Lie

IF dreams came true, I would dream all the time because hope seems to be taking it’s own time to reach my door. Another disgusting appointment with those insane people I often refer to in my posts and the LFTs were horrible… oh my life. It’s been bothering me for a while… it won’t leave my joyous head alone to dwell in it’s happiness.

Who would have thought that life would make you want to die sometimes? No worries, I’m not about to kill myself… I’m just in a very contemplative mood and feel like there’s a need for a someone to tell me that it will be fine, even though I know it’s a complete lie.

I feel the need to hear a lie… just to be comforted and to believe against all reality that things will be fine and the sun with shine again…

Shortest Blog In History

Hi. Smile. Bye.

Delirious From Exhaustion

Last night I managed to reach a new height of exhaustion due to major lack of sleep over the past few days and found myself enjoying delirium… To experience another emotion that I wasn’t familiar with earlier was strange and yet, exhilarating. My surroundings were hazy even though I was sitting right here on my couch. Life seemed to take very amusing turns and every word my friends said seemed augmented. I detested my lack of awareness but soaked in the pleasure of a new story in life. I am fairly certain that I was probably imagining things at one point… and I know it’s sad, but life isn’t a guarantee and so it’s necessary to make the most of the moments that we do have.

I was sure I would be better today… finally some sleep last night. But, I found myself making it to my first class and missing the next two. I found myself slipping into yet another state of delirium. Just when I was about to be visit the  Slumberland, a strange sensation took over me… I was looking at myself from the outside. I felt like I was standing in the rain – looking up at the sky and smiling, and I could feel a big droplet of water at the tip of my nose… I could feel my heart jump with joy… I could touch pure happiness.

I’m glad I’m alive…

Take A Minute To Smile

Sometimes one just has to take  a minute out of ones busy schedule and smile. Sometimes one has to know that work and school isn’t the end of the world… that there is way more to look forward to in life. Here are some things that I look forward to, the things that make me smile and make my day…

Calling home every morning right after I wake up and feeling peaceful in my heart when I hear my mother’s voice on the other end.

Hearing dad teasing me and laughing.

Hearing from a friend and knowing that he/she is doing well.

Walking on the dew early on some mornings.

Walking to school when the weather is still slightly chilly and sun is gentle.

Remembering my school days in India.

Having carnations around my place- they’re my favorite flowers.

Listening to the sound of water flowing in natural environments.

The smell of wet earth.

Just knowing that things are going to be fine in the end.

There are way more things that I am forgetting to mention here because I’m only faced with my appreciation for such things when they occur… Hopefully I’ll remember to keep adding on to this list.

I hope you have a good day and that you notice that there’s a lot in this world to make you smile.

It’s Time To Forgive

I’ve lived my life loving and disliking people… always. And then there are people that I start off loving and then dislike because they fail at “friendship” in my eyes. In the middle of all these days and hours of loving and detesting come moments of realization… epiphanies at best… where it seems like a higher power  just seems to look at me and ask why I should be forgiven for the million things I do wrong… and I have no answer. My ignorance, the temptation to look for trouble or just the mere curiosity about things all shades that surround me are but mere excuses for the nature of my heart. I’m perfect at being imperfect. I have no answer to give to anyone.. no way to justify my life or my deeds.

So, when I find it impossible to forgive and forget even the smallest of pains anyone has caused me, how can I expect to be forgiven for things that are much worse.

If I can’t forgive people, I don’t deserve to ask for forgiveness from anyone either. So, this is another step in life for me and it is my sincere hope that I learn to forgive – even though I am no one to judge anyone in the first place.

As we forgive others, our lives gain a brighter shade of happiness and contentment. Life isn’t about dragging around a heart full of grudges but more about looking up to the skies and knowing that life is good.

Hopefully what mom says will help me forgive… she always says that it’s much easier to detest someone for a million things than to learn and absorb their goodness.

PS: It’s the weekend!!!!!!!!! *does the happy dance* yayz… school, work and research can’t eat my soul for the next 2 days /